More than Mama

For quite some time I've been struggling with a type of identity crisis. Or I guess it's just taken me a while to figure a few things out. Does that ever happen to you? When I started this blog, I was, saw myself, and assumed that everyone else around me thought of me as "Mom/Mama/Mommy/my-older-friend-that's-a-mom-and-can't-go-out-with-us/my-younger-friend-who-can't-do anything-else-because-her-kids-are-still-little, etc. My son was about to turn one, I'd spent seven months at home with him before returning to work, my body was... let's just say it was less than acceptable to me - out of shape, out of breath, and chronically exhausted.

During this phase of personal commitment - time for me, positive thoughts, physical exercise, I have once again felt like and become "More than Mama". Don't get me wrong, I love being a mom and wouldn't give it up for anything. I just love being other things too. I love being a friend and the new friendships that I have made. I love having new hobbies and goals for myself and feeling so good when I succeed. After 10 years of total focus on the kids, it's been really good and healthy for me to bump myself up the priority list. I still go to cheerleading, school events, playgrounds, libraries and all that other stuff that provides my children with activities for their developmental needs (stimulation, physical exercise, social interaction, confidence, love, and everything else we strive to get into them), but I'm not only going to those places, and I'm not restricted in my conversation to talk about them.

For a year or so I've wrestled with thinking about myself as "Mama Gets Moving" and wondered if I was finished with it. Have I met my goal of adding exercise to my life? Yes. Do I like feeling limited to being a Mama? Not any more. Do I change the name and continue writing, meeting people, and setting goals? Thinking about it. While I don't post that often anymore (attributable to a busy 3 year old rather than a sleep scheduled and slower paced infant/toddler), I do write in my head all the time. Is that journaling? Ghost blogging? Escapism? Who knows. What I do know is that it helps me think things through, and that I love the connections I have made through sharing my ups, downs, goals, and crazy health adventures. Maybe I'm on to the sequel - Mama Got Moving and Found Herself Again.

It wouldn't have been possible without all of you. During my recovery from hip surgery, I have been so lucky to have all of the private messages, comments of encouragement, and offers for running partners. You are the best. My next post, which will come very soon I promise, will be about the new goal for the Richmond Marathon in November and my plan to get there.

Scope Light Review

I am so happy to report that my hip surgery for the labrum tear was this morning, and it went really well! I was so touched by all of the good thoughts, messages, and offers for help that came my way.



We got to the surgical center, and I made Justin take my picture. He heckled me for it but did it anyway.

I was really fancy waiting for the surgery. There was more waiting than there was surgery time, so he was recruited for another photo. Without taking a book with me, FB was my primary entertainment, which, at 9:30 in the morning when most of my friends are at work, isn't very time consuming.



The tear wasn't actually as big as the MRI led us to believe and instead included a lot of smaller tears and a lot of inflamed and scarred tissue. Dr. Parker sorted it all out and sent me on my way. If you ever need an orthopedist for this kind of thing, I recommend you check him out. He is a nice guy, super smart, excellent rapport with patients, and conservative in his treatment plan.



My only wince was when he talked about "people our age" and then said he was 40. For anybody else out there who is 40, I really see it as a young number these days. For other people. You know, YOU guys. Internally my reaction was, "Whoa hoa... slow down buddy. I'm 36."

Now we're home. I am plugged in to a new cooler/ice pack thing, walking around (probably too much and more than I should, but I'm working on that... the crutches are just silly when they seem to be more difficult than just walking myself), and feeling really good. I'll be careful not to over do anything. Or at least I will try not to. I've already been thinking about crunches and planks today. :-)

The Scope

Today was my appointment with The Scope Guy, and he was great! Dr. Parker laid it all out right from the beginning. He used the words, "big tear" and "no, really, really BIG" to explain that while I was sort of hoping for a scoffable, teeny tiny little tear, what I have is a big one. Not enormous. At least, I don't think so. He didn't say that. Basically tears average 1 cm, and mine is about 3. I didn't ask what the upper end of that range could be.

Aside from having the tear, and subsequent cyst on the bone caused by the tear, all of my bone measurements were on the cusp of normal (how fitting), so I'm good to go for scope light. (Fix the tear, remove any junk, start therapy and look at 6-8 weeks to be back on track. This compares to the scary scope that would involve removing some bone so that it wouldn't happen again. THAT sounds horrible and is more like 8 months. Eyuck.) I told him about the marathon in November, and he thought everything would be totally doable.

I left the appointment happy and hopeful. I called my husband to explain, and then I called Dr. Parker's scheduler. I'm booked for June 7th.

On a separate note, the planking is great. I love that so many friends are doing it. My original thought was to hit 30 days of the regular plank and then start mixing it up with other plank styles. The surgery is going to mess that up a bit, but I don't know how much. Regardless, I'm looking for suggestions! What is your favorite plank?

GOTR 5K - Ultimate DJ Fail

Yesterday was my daughter's last GOTR 5k. She ran with her Godmother, and we drove another friend and her teenage buddy runner, making it five in my car. It seems like I can't look anywhere these days without seeing GOTR spirit, shout outs, etc. I check FB and many of my friends are involved or their daughters participate. I check my FB page and the page news feed, and the whole world of triathlon and running bleeds GOTR. I check Twitter (which I only recently started using for work and still don't really get other than I have immediate access to tons of school counseling news), and you'd think GOTR was running for election. It's everywhere. GOTR goodness! We love GOTR! Can't wait to do it again! Go (insert local GOTR chapter here)!

Most of my GOTR experiences have been tremendously positive. My daughter has just finished her fifth season, and I've coached three. I love the progression of the lessons - self (personal values, value, respect, nutrition, etc.), direct relationships (qualities of a good friend, peer pressure, bullying, etc.), and community (the impact that a respected and respectful girl can have on her broader community). Love it - all of that. It's school counselor-y stuff, I get into it, and I believe in it.

A few of my GOTR experiences have been frustrating - like the race in Dec. '11 when 11 of my 20 girls made it to the start line due to the horrible traffic back up, and I saw my runners as well as friends from my neighborhood ditch their cars, jump ropes, and hop into the race mid-way just to participate. Like the fact that when I started coaching each girl had an allowance of $20 that the coach could spend for reimbursement for their healthy snacks, and recently that number has been cut in half. Who can buy 20 healthy snacks (one for each practice) for $10? The answer is, that most of the coaches I know now dish out pre-packaged, preservative filled bars of some sort, or even goldfish. Everyone has their own definition of healthy, but I just don't see that lining up with modeling healthy snack choices for girls aged 8-12. Or like the fact that the cost of the program hasn't diminished, yet less money seems to be spent on the girls, and the majority of parents that I have spoken to have assumed that the coaches get paid.

And then a couple of my GOTR experiences have made me want to distance myself from GOTR, which is sad, or at least I feel a bit sad about it. Yesterday I had a few. The first was leaving my house at 5:45 for an 8:30 race, picking up my passengers, and hitting a complete stop at 6:20 at the exit off the highway. I had anticipated the stop given how GOTR races can go (unless they are at our local university, they seem to be a gigantic driving/parking cluster) and assumed that we would spend an hour in the car. At 8:10 we were finally parked and headed to the corrals. Our moods lifted and we were ready to be happy again and excited about the race that was about to start.

The second was getting out of the car and hearing Da' Butt. Emily's buddy runner summed it up perfectly when she pronounced, "Ultimate DJ fail." Um. Sort of counter to EVERYTHING that we are trying to teach the girls. But um, whatever. Okay.

Beyond Da' Butt, I was disappointed to learn that the girls would no longer be timed and that $15,000 had been spent on a Jumbotron. Hmmm... less healthy snacks, no way to track personal goals, and a Jumbotron? Is there a world in which any boys' event would have taken out the timing?! I get that they want everyone to feel good (everyone got a "1" bib this time instead of a bib number - I can't even address this from a "green" standpoint, which btw, GOTR portrays), but my kid has done this five times. OF COURSE she is looking for a time! Finding out that it wasn't timed was the biggest let down for her. She basically said that she thought the whole thing was ridiculous, and for once, it was hard for me to disagree.

Girls on the Run, what is going on? 10,000 people showed up for this. I don't know about the rest of you, but four hours in the car to stand around and then not be able to run because the course wasn't planned for the number of people doesn't sound all that respectful of the girls, their parents, their buddy runners or their coaches. We paid $165 for the season, and her buddy runner had to pay $25 to run/walk with her. Her coach doesn't get paid, although I know she's spent tons of her own money in order to provide the healthy snacks that she believes are important. Her coach is wonderful, but she shouldn't have to do that.

There were some really happy moments during the day, and I don't mean to say that there weren't. My buddy runner was AWESOME and happy and great to be with anyway, so in no way am I saying that it was entirely a bust, but I really wanted her to be able to run if she wanted to. After the race we had a great time, photos were taken, memories were made, etc., etc., etc. I even have a picture of my kid AND her amazing coach on the Jumbotron. Still, I got back in the car at 10:30, left the parking lot at 11:40, and got home at 12:45. At what point do we really talk about self-respect?!

The Scope Guy

I had an appointment today with my friendly, family orthopedist, Dr. Z. He has treated three of the four members of my family on multiple occasions - all for general klutziness. Everything started out alright. He asked about "the baby", and I explained that he was a wild and crazy string bean these days; he said I looked good (always get bonus points for that!), and I told him about the running and general adherence to exercise; and then he pulled up my MRI.

Dr. Z's tone changed slightly and after scrolling a bit through the images chose to poke, prod and twist my hip and leg to determine the severity of the "ouch." Fortunately there wasn't too much. Like running, the poking, prodding and twisting doesn't actually hurt that badly. I just can't sleep later, or cross my legs, or drive a car for long distances... After the assessment, he went back over to the images and explained that yes, I have the labrum tear, but I also have a cyst, which is most likely caused by the tear and is partly responsible for the pain.

So he is sending me to "The Scope Guy" in the practice to talk about what needs to be done. My appointment is May 23rd.

Happiness

My house is a wreck. The car is disgusting. There are toys and finger prints in every direction that I look, and when asked about future home projects, the list of things that I need and want can be rattled off like a machine gun. But today, I'm happy. Like... really, REALLY happy. Alone in my house with a smile on my face happy. I don't have amazing news to share. Didn't win the lottery... no exciting life changes to announce... I'm just... happy.

My day in review at this point includes:

Making it through two doctor appointments, Target, and a 4 yr-old birthday party without one major tantrum from my son.

The scale at the doctors office telling me that I have gained 9 lbs in the past week since I finished my elimination diet (to which I didn't have any obvious symptom relief and have rebounded by welcoming too much coffee, wine, and chocolate into my hands). I checked this with my scale at home. Neither are exaggerating. Whoops.

Being surrounded, and thus confronted, by mirrors at the birthday party and realizing that I hate my long hair again and should cut it.

Hearing my son tell me that he "is going to go get a new Mommy." After asking him for details on that idea, I now understand that new mommies can be found "at the Mommy station. That is where they are." Apparently he'll be looking for one with black hair. I hope she's nice.

But...

It is gorgeous outside and that always makes things good.

I got to see a friend today and made a new one.

My husband and daughter are spending the day together in DC visiting the Jefferson Memorial (she just finished a school project on TJ, and he is finishing a biography that I gave him for Christmas), the Building Museum, the Capital, and who knows what else.

AND

I feel healthy.

I have energy to tackle the mess of the house.

I have people in my life that are fun, kind, compassionate, understanding, motivating, and share similar interests as i do.

The half marathon was last weekend, and it rocked. I can't wait to do another one. Tomorrow our wonderfully amazing babysitter is coming over again so we can get it another long run - JUST FOR FUN. I've registered for more events this year, and I am very lucky to have great friends who want to join me.



What makes YOU happy today?????

Born to Run

My daughter has been heckling me lately about writing a blog post. I've told her the truth - that I've just been busy. Between work, her activities, her brother's never-ending energy level, feeding the family, doing a modicum of house chores and fitting in exercise, I'm sort of tapped out and brain dead by the end of the night. She really likes that I write this blog, and I think she has gotten a lot out of watching me turn my life around in the process of writing it. I recently asked her if she wanted to write a post about perspective of the past two years. She told me she was too busy.

There is one thing though that I want really do want to share. Knowing that I loved reading John Bingham's book, An Accidental Athlete, one of my closest girlfriends put Christophper McDougal's Born to Run in my hands last fall. She knows that I am a reader, and she knows me very, very well. Still, when she handed me the book, I thought that there might be some mistake. Remember? I'm just like the Accidental Athlete?! How could I also be Born to Run?!! The juxtaposition left me wondering and a little scared. I assumed that B2R was for die-hard runners only. People who loved running as kids, teens and adults - who plan vacations around running and the thrill of pushing themselves to the very limit. In other words, NOT me. Granted, I now run occasionally for fun, and some of my runs have felt really fantastic, but plenty of them are still really, really icky. I had to take a class to learn how to run for goodness sake! (Which by the way was EXCELLENT. The instructor Bruce couldn't be a nicer guy, the class size is kept small, and it is FREE. Just another reason to love my local running store MetroRunWalk!) But c'mon. Everyone knows that I am not a natural born runner.


But I smiled and brought the book home. I told my husband that I would read it when I finished the book I was on, which at the time was A Feast for Crows in the Song of Ice and Fire (aka Game of Thrones) series. So he started reading it instead. And then he started talking about it all the time. Ad nauseum. So in my passive aggressive away, I moved on to the next book in my series. He wanted to talk about B2R so much that I finally told him that I'd have no reason to read it. His reaction was very surprising. Typically I would have expected him to be just fine with that and tell me everything, but instead he looked panicked and stopped talking immediately with the exception of, "well... you just have to read it."

They were both right. I needed to read it, and now I'm a book thumper telling everyone I see that they need to read it too. Everyone. That includes you. Maybe even starts with you. Born to Run is so much more than a running book. It is a book about life, relationships, community, food, anthropology, human evolution, and yes, running too. It's well written, entertaining, and thought provoking. If you absolutely know you aren't going to read it, or if you are just so excited you can't wait and need to know more now, watch Christopher McDougal speak at TEDxPennQuarter 2011.

Thanks Jamie.  Reason #982348 you are a good friend.